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Monday, June 4, 2007, 7:50 PM

I'm sorry for the times that I've let you down, sorry for the times I've caused anger in everyone, sorry for making everyone upset because I was feeling upset, sorry for acting in ways that seemed inappropiate, sorry for doubting everyone including myself, sorry for my foolishness and selfishness, sorry for making it seem that problems I had always seemed to happen because of you but never was and, sorry for anything and everything.

I headed down to Bugis today with one of my classmates after our Engineering Maths term test. We were bored and we decided to enjoy a long but otherwise enjoyable bus ride from school to Bugis. We were so bored that we practically didn't know what to do once we reached Bugis. I mentioned that I wanted to grab some food and head home, and I did. Or rather, we did. Some good ol' Old Chang Kee curry puffs did the job. Yum Yum! Hehe!

We reached the bus stop and waited for our buses, and I forgot to mentioned that we were talking to each other, about the maths paper, about school, about problems at home. But they were shared so that we could help each other in any way possible.

When my classmate boarded a 80 to go home, a elderly man walked up to me and asked me if I would like to join a Bible Correspondence Course, with a yellow card in his hand which he motioned me to take. He also mentioned about the 9-11 crisis, which apparently a prophet 100 years ago predicted that it would happen. It striked me that I haven't confronted God once during this period of problems which I have been going through.

Though my faith as a catholic remained, I disregarded it and didn't pray to God. And I realised that I shouldn't take everything in life for granted, and how I should cherish everyone; family, friends etc.

When I boarded a 12 home, I found that the long lonely trip home was the most company I had ever had in my life. I reflected about everything I did and said, and I've never felt so much regret before, so much...remorse and anguish for what I've done. As the song Valentine's Day by Linkin Park resonated through my head, the lyrics striked me not once, but many times. "I used to be my own protection, but not now. Cause my path has lost direction, somehow." "So now you're gone, and I was wrong. I never knew what it was like, to be alone..."

Maybe I need a little more time, to reflect, to let things uneasy within me to settle down. I'll pray, for myself, for everyone, and to you, the one reading this right now. I'll pray that I'll have the guidance from God and that I'll find the courage within myself to face up to my wrongdoings, to face up to reality. I will never forget the good times, but I'll throw away all the bad times, and from there I will build a foundation where I will be able to grow, not just maturely but spiritually and physcologically.

A burden I have carried, a mistake I have made, a fate I must accept, a path I have chosen, and a disease I must cure.

Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7