i've seen worlds that don't belong

Wednesday, May 16, 2007, 10:45 PM

I've come to a conclusion that many of my problems may have been caused because I started blogging and relaying all my thoughts, all my feelings, all my emotions on this blog. And I may have caused misunderstandings, disputes because of the underlying meaning within each blog post. I know whatever I post is always so emotional. Its not because I want to, but maybe because I have to.

For me, a blog is a space where one can rant out problems to friends, or anyone who comes across the blog. But I guess I need to stop blogging for awhile. For good? I hope not. I just don't want my feelings and my emotions to affect my friends and the people around me. And hopefully, everything will clear up, and I won't be so emotional when I start updating this blog in the time to come.

From here on, this blog will become frozen. I'm going to randomly type a password, which I won't consult the password recovery system until the time seems perfect.

This is Darryl Jeremiah Leong, signing off.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007, 11:50 PM

Before any more posts are put up on this blog, I'd like to clear all misunderstandings. NONE, I repeat, NONE of my blog posts refer to anyone unless I ever do say inside the post that it does.
If you think any of the posts do, you have made a big mistake. Because there is absolutely no intention lying within any of the posts to refer to anyone unless I point them out.

The main intention inside each and every one of these blog posts is a message to anyone who reads it. It doesn't have to mean I'm angry or sad or disappointed at someone just because I say 'you', 'he', 'she', 'them'. These posts are only meant for me to explain to everyone what I feel inside, not because this blog is meant for me to use as an avenue to gossip, to insult or to make fun of anyone.

Sunday, May 13, 2007, 10:21 PM

You don't even know me, know my emotions, know if I'm pissed or not. And when I get pissed you say the whole world is against me. Go ahead and blame whatever I'm doing. Blame the computer when I play it and get pissed because I have to stop. Blame my friends who you think are only there to ruin my life.

My life is already full of problems, and yet even though I want to solve them, get rid of them, more problems arise. I always imagined how life would be so much more peaceful, so much more happier if I didn't take that path. But this is how it is. I'll have to face what I've done myself, to put to rest whatever you have, I have thought of myself when I first fell into the abyss.

I took the road to pain, to a sad life. Alone. But I came across a small little town at the crossroads, and there I met friends who will always be there for me. I continued my life, meeting road blocks, obstacles, pot-holes. And everytime I had difficulty removing an obstacle, or if I fell into a pot-hole, my great friends were always there to help me. And I never cherished their help, their friendship until the time where I nearly lost it all. Only then did I realise that my friends always wanted the best for me, and I always doubted them, making them angry, making them cry all because I wanted to keep myself happy.

I'd really wished all this would end. All this pain, all the sadness within me. And you would ask me, "Why do you always get yourself into trouble?" Words alone are not enough to describe why I go through this. Maybe its that feeling of wanting to replace losing time, losing a close relationship, losing everything because I turned left and followed that road instead of taking a right turn, to a path of happiness, to a path of a problem-less life.

This is all so confusing. I'll end the post here.

Put to rest, what you thought of me. While I clean this slate, with the hands of uncertainty. - Linkin Park

Saturday, May 12, 2007, 10:55 PM

I feel like crying right now.

Because I'm sad and in pain. Sad from what I hoped won't be true and in pain with the path that I have taken ever since the end of the major exams last year. I've lost too much time to pick up the pieces, the pieces of the memories I have cherished. I have caused anger and pain to my closest friends that I have doubted. And oh how I wished I can face up to myself, to erase everything I've done, everything I've become.

But what is the use? The damage has been done. Nothing will ever restore the friendship that I have forsaken because I chose the path to loneliness, to foolishness, to selfishness. I have lost it all. And I won't be able to forgive myself for what I've done, what I now wished I had not done.

I've lost everything I've cherished.

With a drop of tear rolling down my cheek, I'll finish off the post here.

Wednesday, May 9, 2007, 2:00 AM

~Lyrics of the day~
Song: What I've Done
Artist: Linkin Park
Album: Minutes to Midnight

In this farewell,
There’s no blood,
There’s no alibi.
‘Cause I’ve drawn regret,
From the truth,
Of a thousand lies.

So let mercy come,
And wash away…

What I’ve Done.
I’ll face myself,
To cross out what I’ve become.
Erase myself,
And let go of what I’ve done.

Put to rest,
What you thought of me.
While I clean this slate,
With the hands,
Of uncertainty.

So let mercy come,
And wash away…

What I’ve Done.
I’ll face myself,
To cross out what I’ve become.
Erase myself,
And let go of what I’ve done.

For What I’ve Done
I'll start again,
And whatever pain may come.
Today this ends,
I’m forgiving what I’ve done.

I’ll face myself,
To cross out what I’ve become.
Erase myself,
And let go of what I’ve done.
What I’ve done.

Friday, May 4, 2007, 4:33 PM

I'm sorry if I may have caused anyone to get pissed because of my current state. And I'm sorry for getting angry at you when you brought up the past.

I just wasn't really taking any thought to your feelings or your thoughts. And it was only human of you to relate to something that has happened to make me realise something.

I'm sorry. Don't let this bring us further apart anymore.

Thursday, May 3, 2007, 12:59 AM

Target Audience of this post: To anyone whom it may deem related to. I'm not going to name any names.

Sometimes I think a few people are too much. They just want to kick me out of my place in life, leaving me to rot in one secluded corner. As I recalled the recent events that took place, I realised it would make no difference to what I am facing right now. I'm still left out of the fun, unless I enquire about it. I'm still the guy who never seems to be happy when he's alone. (Well, who wouldn't?) I'm still a nobody to some people...

Tell me honestly. Do you care if I should transfer school without telling you and you never found out? Only to realise that I have been gone for days? Weeks? Months? Would you still care? Do you even give a thought if I should migrate to another country? Or worse comes to worse; I end up in hospital with a broken leg or with any fatal diesease? And if I only had a few hours left to live would you only realise how selfish you have been? How foolish and black your heart is?

I don't really care anymore. You can go ahead and ignore me, make fun of me or whatever you deem perfect to make me feel left out. I won't give a fuck if you don't even look at me in the eye and tell me that you care.

To my clique, read through this and see if anything goes into your heads. This has nothing to do with you peeps. I'm just pissed at the other people who you peeps may not know or not.

I don't care. Just shut the fuck up, will ya? You've gotten me more pissed than ever. More pissed than I'll ever be to anyone else. You ruined my life, my faith in you.

That's all for this post.

Wednesday, May 2, 2007, 3:28 PM

This does not refer to anyone.

If you really care about my situation, then don't just say you do but your actions and your body language says you don't.

What ever happened to the way I have treated you in return to how you have treated me?